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1. Sort out details in advance
This is a must. Nail down the specifics about who gets which days around the winter holidays, including pickup times and locations. Sometimes the details are in your custody agreement, sometimes not. Put it all in an e-mail or in another written document and stick to the deal. Don't fight about time or anything else with the children present.
2. Don't out-Santa each other
If you can speak civilly with your ex, talk about a general budget for presents and the number of presents. Don't outdo each other. Remember the spirit of the holidays and avoid trying to buy the children off with fabulous presents. And don't buy that violent video game for the specific purpose of angering your ex. At the same time, accept that parents may have different standards about what are acceptable gifts. If you are opposed to some games, you may need to accept they will exist at your ex's house.
3. Keep some traditions, within reason
Children love routine and ritual, so keep a few family traditions if you can. If you baked dozens of different types of cookies for everyone in your life, reduce the number of cookies but keep your daughter's favorite 'snickerdoodles'. If your family liked to take a trip into the woods to cut down a tree, you may have to explain that your smaller car can't haul such a tree. Talk with your children ahead of time and find out what is really important to them.
4. Don't push too much togetherness
While some ex-spouses can sing carols around the Christmas tree or light the Hanukkah candles together with the kids and both sets of grandparents, that's not the reality for everyone. Some do not want to spend time with people who left them or whom they chose to leave. Some people fight every time they see each other. Do not force more togetherness than either of you can handle and don't feel guilty about it.
5. Don't lobby for your sweetheart
Bringing a new significant other to the family festivities can really throw the holiday's off-balance for the family. Avoid if it's going to cause trouble. Remember, it's about the children, not you.
To secure any of your custody arrangements before the holidays please call the Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman at 661-255-1800 or visit us at www.chromanlaw.com.
This article was originally published in Santa Clarita Magazine as part of our firm’s mission to make family law information more accessible to the Santa Clarita community. Read the full feature and others at santaclaritamagazine.com.