Being a Grandparent During Divorce

There is no harder a situation than navigating a divorce as a grandparent. Every word and action becomes a decision with fears of offending the soon-to-be ex-law or child and most frightening is the chance of losing access and quality time to your grandchildren. A new aspect of the relationship between grandparent and grandchild becomes being someone who can help comfort their confused and potentially angry grandchildren without overstepping their boundaries. The best way to accomplish this is to simply provide a place of stability, reinforce a sense of belonging, and try to provide a relief from the stress of the divorce during these difficult times.

Younger children in particular, have difficulty sharing their emotions and may in turn behave in ways you find perplexing. A well-behaved grandchild might suddenly begin acting out. A grandparent must recognize and acknowledge this change, especially if they are being shuttled back and forth or are moved to a new home.

You can also help by maintaining routines. If you played certain games or did certain activities on previous visits, try to show your grandkids that when they go to grandma and grandpa's there is sameness to life. When they visit, do not dwell on the topic of divorce or ask them about it. If you are allowed, try taking the kids away for a weekend or on vacation. This will not only provide the grandchildren relief, but the parents as well from the stress a divorce can incur. Many grandparents facing their child's divorce might make the mistake of becoming overly involved; try to keep in mind that a grandparent's role should be a lifeline not a life support.

Understand that divorce is hurtful and confusing, and your grandchildren may sometimes see you as the enemy, especially if their parent (your ex law) has become bitter and turns on you. The best strategy is to wait it out. Know that in time the hurt and anger subsides and your grandchildren will return to being more open to seeing you. Just remember it is your duty to keep the doors of communication open; send friendly emails, birthday cards, etc. Don't let the divorce change your role in your grandchild's life!

For more information or a free initial consultation you can call the Law Office of Steven Chroman at 661-414-7107 or visit www.chromanlaw.com.

This article was originally published in Santa Clarita Magazine as part of our firm’s mission to make family law information more accessible to the Santa Clarita community. Read the full feature and others at santaclaritamagazine.com.