We hope you are enjoying your summer. Hopefully sipping on something cool at the beach or by the pool. It’s nice to get outside and explore while the sun is out. Many people are posting incredible vacation pictures, and others touring air-conditioned museums, getting their fill of movies, or having a nice staycation doing things they didn’t get to while cooped up throughout this past winter. If you are like me, you are holding on to all the summer days and nights you can! Summertime just has a fun energy about it.
As a parent, we also have back-to-school blues in the back of our minds. As registration approaches, bringing with it the endless schedules, the early bedtimes, packing lunches, back-to-school nights, the meal planning, and the carpool lane travesties. Also coming are the lists on lists of school supplies, and “sales” that will soon be on our laps. All the things the kids will need and oftentimes barely use, the backpacks, notebooks, folders, pens, pencils, and crayons. Why we need another calculator, I will never know. As we anticipate these things that draw near, we can still set it aside to enjoy the warm summer nights with our kids, playing games and relishing in the time together.
However, for a select few parents, there is an added level of pressure that looms over them as they foresee custody exchanges and split costs of sports and extracurricular activities that have bills coming due. At minimum, there are a few things that you can do to circumvent issues in a split custody household, such as:
Communicate. Being up-front and honest with the other parent about arrangements that involve the children can stave off issues that may otherwise cause drama no one wants. Choose your words kindly and keep your children’s best interest in mind when communicating with the other parent. Also, letting the school know of your split household and custody arrangements is a good idea so they know how to handle situations– if they arise. This will also let them know to always communicate with both parents. However, giving the school custody schedules does not mean telling them every sordid detail of the situation. Basic information for the safety and well-being of your children is necessary, everything else can become gossip.
Stay calm. Contentious situations can bring out the worst in the best people. Don’t let a momentary situation or comment trigger you into forgetting who you are and who you want to be for your children. Staying calm and revisiting a situation later when the heat cools will help avoid creating a bigger problem than is present. Making decisions with a clear mind will help put things in perspective.
Be Reasonable. It is easy in divided households to remember all the things that caused the divide. When things feel so one-sided and when presented with a situation where you can choose to be difficult, as well, choose to be reasonable instead. Parent how you want the other parent to act and lead by example. This does not discount things that have happened, but it does make the current situation easier for your children and that is the most important thing to remember.
Show Receipts. No, not those kinds of receipts! When you are preparing for the needs of your children, such as back-to-school supplies, if this is a cost you split, keep a record and let the other parent know that you are planning on purchasing the necessary items, when you can do the shopping, and what you estimate the costs could be. This goes for sports and extracurricular activities that come with those hefty price tags. Give the courtesy you would expect with expenses. Don’t assume they can or will be able to pay you the moment you hand them a receipt. Plan ahead and let them know in advance so that they can prepare just as you are preparing. This will help you get a refund of the expenses more quickly and cause less conflict in an already tense circumstance.
If you can do these things but find that the other parent seems adamant about creating conflict rather than avoiding them, call our office and find out ways we can help navigate your unique situation. We can assist with custody and visitation orders or modifications which are crucial for challenging situations. Likewise, support and reimbursements may be needed in many instances with children. We are here to assist and would welcome the opportunity to support you.
For more information and to schedule a consultation, please call the Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P.C., at 661-255-1800 or visit us at www.chromanlaw.com. Mr. Chroman is a Trusted Advisor Award Winner and named Top 100 California Attorneys with over 26 years of experience and local service and rated a Super Lawyer for consecutive years. Also, you may purchase Mr. Chroman’s best-selling Divorce Workbook on Amazon.
This article was originally published in Santa Clarita Magazine as part of our firm’s mission to make family law information more accessible to the Santa Clarita community. Read the full feature and others at santaclaritamagazine.com.