Dealing with your former spouse, co parenting…this is the world only the post divorce parent understands. Here are some tips that may help you along that path.
1. Love your children more than you hate your ex spouse
No matter how much you dislike your ex spouse for what they did to you during your marriage and/or your divorce, it’s important to always put your children first. Loving your children more than you dislike your ex spouse will always be the right decision.
2. Don’t put your child in the middle
This is very tough to do, so here goes; no matter what the situation, never ask your children to relay anything to your ex spouse, never ask them to deliver funds to the other parent and never interrogate them about what goes on in the other parent’s house. Your children should be as free from conflict as humanly possible and should never be the one to deliver information.
3. Try to say something positive about the other parent in presence of children
This is easier said than done. After a divorce, negative thoughts, feelings and statements seem to flow much easier than the positive. Consciously making the decision to say something positive about your ex is something your children will remember for years to come.
4. Don’t sweat the small stuff
There will be plenty of little things that happen along the way in a post-divorce parent relationship and letting go of things that are minor annoyances, rather than big issues will help you be taken more seriously when a major issue arises.
5. Limit communication with your ex
Many people are co-dependent on their ex and divorce does not make that relationship any less co-dependent. Limit communication, especially in the early years, for those things that actually need a response or to forward information that only you would have. Communicate when possible in person or on the phone. So much often is lost in translation in an email or text and can also be used against you in the courtroom. The reader does not hear you and can only read and interpret what you are saying.
6. Never allow your children to use you against your ex spouse to get what they want
Kids are smart and often times will figure out how to play their parents in order to get what they want. If your kids know that you and your ex do not communicate well, they will use that fact to their advantage to get what they want. Don’t fall for that trap.
For more information and a complimentary consultation regarding all dissolution matters, custody, support, pre and post nups, contact the Law Office of Steven B. Chroman at 661-255-1800 or visit us at www.chromanlaw.com.
This article was originally published in Santa Clarita Magazine as part of our firm’s mission to make family law information more accessible to the Santa Clarita community. Read the full feature and others at santaclaritamagazine.com.