Being the friend(s) of a divorcing couple or when a divorce is on the horizon, is a tough road to navigate. There are, however, a couple ways to help make the middle road easier for all.
1. Reveal no opinion on who is right or wrong.
Unless you know for a fact that something is factual, do not take a position. Simply listen, be a sounding board, and “reflect” each spouse’s feelings back to them. Remember they may get back together and your opinion will be remembered.
2. Tell them both that you will not choose sides.
If that proves difficult, you’ll have to decide then, but don’t pretend you’re not in contact with the other spouse. Instead, it’s best to be honest and let them both know that “I’m not taking sides.” This way neither will be surprised to find out you’ve heard from the other.
3. If you do find yourself siding with one, limit contact with the other.
This will make things easier for all parties involved.
4. Expect anything you say to one to get back to the other.
There is rarely a mutual and simultaneous parting of the ways. Your first compulsion will be to commiserate, but once again, those words can be used against you in the future.
5. Resist answering emails/text messages from either of them.
Although emails and text messages are quick and convenient, they’re also impersonal and non-retractable. You don’t want to put things in writing to either one of your friends right now, you just want to be a good friend. All they need is to hear your voice. It’ll help.
6. If all else fails, detach from both for the duration.
This is a last resort, to be taken only if you find yourself being taken to task. Remembering the previous step, you must know that each of them is feeling vulnerable at this time. Even if they try to get you involved, resist temptation.
7. Listen.
Anyone going through a divorce needs someone to listen and not judge. This involves silence when you may not want to be silent. This involves keeping the information you hear confidential even when you are asked by someone what the person said.
For more information and a complimentary consultation at the Law Office of Steven B. Chroman, P.C. please visit www.chromanlaw.com or call 661-255-1800 today.
This article was originally published in Santa Clarita Magazine as part of our firm’s mission to make family law information more accessible to the Santa Clarita community. Read the full feature and others at santaclaritamagazine.com.