“I need to stand by my sister; we can’t be friends any more.”
This is a moment Lisa had with her friend—and soon to be ex-sister-in-law. A bond nourished for over 13 years was broken. There were tears and hugs, but the closure was hard to accept. Why does divorce lead to this kind of moment over and over?
When some people are faced with a friend or family member who is going through divorce, it just seems easier not to have to take sides. For others, the relationship is severed because it was never really all that important. And there are people that try to maintain a relationship with both, and continue the link with grace.
Some individuals experience an identity loss as they are no longer welcome in certain social circles, invited to parties or know where to sit at their child’s soccer game.
Here are the top five things to consider when coming to terms with the loss of these relationships.
1. You don’t have to grin and bear it alone
Seek the help of a professional to help you cope with grieving the loss of these relationships.
2. Find strength from other relationships
Divorce is a process; accept that there will be losses. Maintaining a positive outlook will help you stay strong and develop other fulfilling relationships.
3. Redefine who you are
Ask yourself, “Who am I?” and “What do I want out of life?” Shed the notion that you need to define yourself by who you were when married.
4. Eliminate negativity
Consistently talking about the loss of these relationships will drive people away; it means you have not moved on. Speaking negatively to your children about their extended family will make them feel that they are betraying you if they have a relationship with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and you don’t want your children to feel like they have to keep secrets from you.
5. Put your children’s best interest first
If your children have had a positive and loving relationship with extended family and friends, it is important to keep up the connections because good relationships impact on how the children feel about themselves.
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The Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman and The New Way to Divorce Santa Clarita Mediators at the Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P.C., are committed to helping you understand your options and make the best choices for yourself. Call our offices at 661-255-1800 or visit us online at www.ANewWay2Divorce.com and www.chromanlaw.com for your complimentary consultation today!
This article was originally published in Santa Clarita Magazine as part of our firm’s mission to make family law information more accessible to the Santa Clarita community. Read the full feature and others at santaclaritamagazine.com.