Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a pioneer in the hospice movement, first described the stages of recovering from a major trauma such as death or divorce:
Denial: “This is not happening to me. It’s all a misunderstanding. It’s just a midlife crisis. We can work it out.”
Anger and resentment: “How can he [she] do this to me? What did I ever do to deserve this? This is not fair!”
Bargaining: “If you’ll stay, I’ll change” or “If I agree to do it [money, childrearing, sex, whatever] your way, can we get back together?”
Depression: “This is really happening, I can’t do anything about it, and I don’t think I can bear it.”
Acceptance: “Okay, this is how it is, and I’d rather accept it and move on than wallow in the past.”
Understanding these stages can be very helpful when it comes to talking about divorce and decision making. It’s important to know that when you are in the early stages of this recovery process, it can be challenging to think clearly or to make decisions at all, much less to make them well.
All of a sudden, non-emotional questions arise – for instance: are my bank accounts under both of our names or how about the title to our home and cars? Have I looked over our will, health and life insurance policies? Do I have accessible cash? Do I have a place to stay if I need to leave? If the answer to any of these questions is “no,” don’t panic. Remember, you are still in the decision making and recovery phase.
However, when the time comes, these are issues you will need to be aware of. Like anything else in life, divorce is a process, it takes time and knowledge. When the time comes, you can be sure you will be more confident with what you took the time to know.
Make sure to have a knowledgeable family law attorney to advise you and work with you to avoid the late panic that sometimes occurs.
For more information or a free consultation please call the Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P.C. at 661-255-1800 or visit our website at www.chromanlaw.com.
This article was originally published in Santa Clarita Magazine as part of our firm’s mission to make family law information more accessible to the Santa Clarita community. Read the full feature and others at santaclaritamagazine.com.